APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
 
 NOTE:This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
 
 NAME______________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________
 
 HEIGHT____________  WEIGHT_____________
 
 IQ__________  NATIONAL INSURANCE #____________________
 
 DRIVERS LICENSE #________________
 
 BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES
 _____________________________________________
 
 HOME ADDRESS__________________________  TOWN/COUNTY___________ 
 POSTCODE_____
 
 Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent?__________
 
 If NO, explain___________
 
 Number of years parents married________
 
 If less than your age, Explain____________________
 
 Do you own a van?_____  A truck with oversized tires?_____
 
 A waterbed?__________
 
 A pickup with a mattress in the back?______  A condom?______
 
 Pornography?_______
 
 Do you have earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring?________
 
 A tattoo?___________
 
 (IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)

 In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
 ____________________________________________________________
 
 In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to
 you?_____________________________
 
 In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?
 __________________________________________
 
 
 Church you attend_________________________________
 
 How often you attend_______
 
 When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, and
 priest?_____________
 
 Answer by filling in the blank.  Please answer freely, all answers
 are

 confidential.  (that means I won't tell anyone EVER)
 
 A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would
 be___________________________
 B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is
 my__________________________
 C: A woman's place is in the
 __________________________________________________
 D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about
 is_____________________
 E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first
 is_________________________
 
 NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises
 keeping
 your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.
 
 What do you want to do IF you grow
 up__________________________________________
 
 What is the current going rate of a hotel
 room?____________________________________
 
 
 Condoms come in A: 3 B: 6 C: 9 D: 12 E: ALL OF THE ABOVE (circle one)
 
 I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND MARGARET THATCHER KISS TORTURE.
 
 
 _______________________________________
 Signature (that means sign your name moron)
 
Thank you for your interest.  Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.  Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury)  If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).