APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE:This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME______________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________
IQ__________ NATIONAL INSURANCE #____________________
DRIVERS LICENSE #________________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES
HOME ADDRESS__________________________ TOWN/COUNTY___________
Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent?__________
If NO, explain___________
Number of years parents married________
If less than your age, Explain____________________
Do you own a van?_____ A truck with oversized tires?_____
A pickup with a mattress in the back?______ A condom?______
Do you have earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring?________
(IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)
In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to
In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?
Church you attend_________________________________
How often you attend_______
When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, and
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
confidential. (that means I won't tell anyone EVER)
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is
C: A woman's place is in the
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about
E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first
NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises
your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.
What do you want to do IF you grow
What is the current going rate of a hotel
Condoms come in A: 3 B: 6 C: 9 D: 12 E: ALL OF THE ABOVE (circle one)
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND MARGARET THATCHER KISS TORTURE.
Signature (that means sign your name moron)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury) If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).